Give me my passion

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:30:28 GMT

Monday: I am at my new volunteer job at the John F Germany library in downtown tampa. Peggy is showing me what it is like to be a librarian. Im doing a lot of computer work in the office now, but soon I will be out organizing the reference films. If you want to read a weekly planet from when they first started we have them upstairs. Also, the dvd section is full of independent goodies :) More later.... Tonight Hart and I are going to see A series of unfortunate events!!!!!! PS I went to the tampa theatre a few days ago OOOO dear I loved it. The dome is painted like the sky and the clowds move on it.
Not to mention the amazing victorian stage.....

I feel all fuzzy when its cold out

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 05:11:14 GMT

Ok new pictures.......
News: I will be attending classes at USF in the summer... yup getting back in to finish my BA in Lit.
Planning to go to grad school for either library science or education
Today I went to the huuuuggggeeee downtown library to get a volunteer app.
They were so excited I am interested in being a librarian they gave me an interview on the spot
I start volunteer work on Monday
You may be asking hey star why are you volunteering? Isnt that a waist of time?
NO that is the only way you can ever get a library job
They practically give you a job interview to even volunteer
If you dont have hundreds of volunteer hours behind you,
there is no way they will even think about giving you a job.
So goes my life
I am giving in to the librarian deep within, and going back to school.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 15:01:19 GMT


running is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Haha what the hell?

The End

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 17:58:19 GMT

After all of the love and battles we have been through
I knew in the back of my head I would always forgive you
Trusting that you were the best friend I could ask for
My brother
Even trusting that we could live together
My current relationship I was careful not to hurt you
Not to tell you things about this new person
So as not to rock the boat in our sibling bond
You took an oar out and beat me with it
Bloody till I couldnt breathe anymore
With a smile of spite on your face
With built up hate you could not expose prior
You crushed all hope I had to have friendship
Showing me even the ones closest to my heart
Can kill
This solid trust shriveled and died
Remind me why you made three years of
My life amount to nothing
Why would you tell me I was meaning less
We were meaning less
Nothing but education for your new specimen
Testing the similarities
Our blood may be the same
Her heart will never compare to mine
How long have you known her
Yet it was worth throwing our reality
Out to sea
Washing up bloody pieces of me

This can not be forgiven
Our bond is broken

The Tao of LARK

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 22:06:23 GMT

I think life was letting me know how helpless I am. With my car being stolen and my rat dieing all in one day. At times I forget that when I think my life sucks and times are hard. It is nothing in comparison to what it could be like. Ex. YESTERDAY It was a bad day.... but I now appreciate today in a new light. Everyday and everything in life can look good with the right light shown upon it. Today I will read Winnie the Pooh books a laugh often... trying to remember the simple life my dear friend Lark lived. He was placed in my life to remind me that every moment is worth living to its fullest. And happiness can be found in the simplest of forms :) I love you LARK.....

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 22:53:48 GMT

The previous entry was written while Lark was still alive. I dont know why, but today I wanted to hang out with lark really bad. So we hung out for a few hours while he jumped on stuff and played. Then I put him on a chair next to me while I messed with my sewing machine. At about 5 pm Lark wanted on my lap. Then he wanted on my shoulder. He started to jerk and I started yelling for dave to come help me. He died in my arms a few moments later. I felt the life leave his body.

This rat gave me 3 years of pure joy. He lived in my dorm room with me. I would take him everywhere in my sweatshirt pocket and called him my pocket monster. He has even been to bush protests. I bet thats a first for rat kind. He ate with me at the cafe. He loved to meet new people. Basically this rat was something special. The best friend I could ask for. Jamie and I used to fight over who got to hold him. For some reason I thought he would live forever. This is not the case with any life form.

I hope Lark's reincarnation cycle was over and he burst into a thousand energy particles in order to become a part of the larger picture. May we all have a little Lark energy. The world will be a better place. I will forever hold your perfection in my memory, and try to live a better life in your honor.

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:16:38 GMT

The man who always cheers me up ;) LARK

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 13:33:54 GMT

Last nights events left me broken
Missing something I take pride in
In two hours I lost something
I spent my whole life building
They might as well have
Broken into the house and
Beaten me too
When they stole my car
I felt helpless
Without family or friend
Running down the paved road
In my pajamas bare foot
When my lungs seized
I yelped no
No as in dont do this to me
Not now not ever
You have broken into my
Body stealing my strength
Leaving me with fear
Eating away at my honest
Trusting heart
I have so much hope for the world
Where is it now?

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 04:07:01 GMT

Yay Hart and I ran through walmart trying on childrens clothing, buying fake tats, and staring at yarn bins.... o there was bike riding and hoola hoops :) ahhh so much fun. Buy nothing break everything rules apply here.

Then viva la frida with dave and keoni. Jazz band playing christmas tunes.

Im tired. work tomorrow boohoo.

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 18:48:12 GMT

Ive decided Im cursed to not hang out with people. Every time a friend makes plans with me thier car dies. This is not in the they made it up category. More like the Im cursed category. So everyone please run for the hills!

I also had a good talk with someone close to my situation with Jamie. Now I feel sorry for him, because that girl is going to hurt him. Though it is still not correct to run around talking about things to hurt my feelings. Becka is nothing like me. You can dream on...... I may not be the best person in the world. I am caring and that is more than I can say for her. PS you missed out on a wonderful girl when you decided to screw around with Becka behind her back.

Better news: Borders called me in for an interview. Though now I am stuck with the question of... borders or healthfood store. Also bringing up what do I want to do with the rest of my life. This is an on going question that torments me in my sleep.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 20:17:03 GMT

Munching on carrots.... yes I know I have spent my life hating carrots, but now I crave them.

So goes my confusing life.....

Dave told me Jamie was going to try and make me jealous
I thought better of him
Thought we moved past this crap
Correction
He announced in the living room one night.
I think Becka is like Hart.
Its awesome because I had a crush on Hart.
A few days later
He announced in the living room one morning.
I think Becka is so much like you. (Star)
And I asked her to marry me
Our three year relationship gave me insight to her

At first I thought I was jealous
Then I realised... I felt creepy
He has been hanging out with her for a week
She may have been born 3 days before me
But she is not me
He likes her because she is me
Does that mean he still is in love with me
Yes that does mean that
I dont love him anymore
That creeps me out
On top of that I do not like this
Girl very much
I and many of my friends do not think
she is a very good person
SO why would she be like me
This hurt my feelings
Then I realized that is what Jamie
IS doing
HE is trying to hurt me in the worse
Way possible
So what do I have to say about that
FORK YOU JAMIE
Move on with your Yucking life
Stop being a loser X who is
STUCK in the PAST

O and dont make girls into me... its not healthy for you or them!

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 04:32:41 GMT

Went to black hawk tonight... met some really nice people who live near dave and i. Hanging out with elizabeth tomorrow. Life will get better one day at a time... but I hate the one step forward two steps back B.S. Dame you cycle of life.

Hair

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 17:54:48 GMT

I cut my hair :) So much for growing it out ...haha

work work work

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 16:57:05 GMT

I want to melt away and disappear
Blend into the floor
Absorbing into the earth
drop of alcohol

Its an amazing feeling to be alone in a group of people
To have silent conversations with myself
While others chat away
What happened to the people
Who speak of things worth talking about
I miss our conversations into the night
I miss you all female or male......
when you walked on with your life
you took a piece of me with you.

Moving on up

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 20:43:41 GMT

Jamie, Dave, and I are moving into a house in the historic district of seminole heights. It has a huge back yard with fig trees. WOOD FLOORS!!!!!!!! a garage that will be Jamie's substitute stupe and my pretend porch. It is such a cute house for so cheap. The owners are soooo nice. So we are having a parrrrrtttyyyy for my birthday at our new house. Sept 8th people... I turn 21.

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 20:35:40 GMT

I am certified

http://ww2.doh.state.fl.us/irm00cna/cnadetail.asp?IDNUM=360844

and and I have a job........

Count down 26 days till my 21st birthday

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 04:39:58 GMT

woohooo........... Im moving out ASAP.... no more cleaning up after people who dont appreciate it. Jamie and I are going to search in seminole heights this weekend for a house / apartment.... not what you think at all.... dave's idea....... jamie and I are good roomates and dont put up with each others shit........ so yeah.

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 20:16:33 GMT

Thanks to everyone for the comments about my passing the test!

My last day of work at the bookstore is the 12th. I need to find a job asap. Im so excited about it. O and looking forward to going to school on the 25th.

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 19:49:40 GMT

Hey guess what..... I PASSED MY TEST!!!!!!!!!! Star is now a CNA. That rocks.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 21:54:10 GMT

Boring stuff: Went to work.... blah! Went to HCC to finish up my paperwork for financial aide... woohoo.. the people there are nice/ helpful. All I have left to prepare for school is buying books. Study for test... ugh.... it is saturday morning.

Fun stuff: Going to run with the group again at 6:30 today. We are going out to a trail... Im excited. Still nervous about not running well enough in front of everyone. These people are running machines... hmmm hopefully doing something kick ass this evening since I have no work tomorrow ;)

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 23:25:23 GMT

Running club = Lots of fun/ hard work. Oddly enough I have met "real" runners. Not I jog off and on types, but the I am on my 4th marathon type. Im soooooooooo tired. Tomorrow I meet them out at a trail to do a long run. Yesterday we did speed work on the track. I am just trying to keep up right now, but I have high hopes for myself.

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 05:09:22 GMT

Ok maybe I will take the o so excellent advice.... Im sorry for trying to run away and I love the three of you to death!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Good News for once: Today I got a YMCA membership! The nice lady let me pick out which color clip I wanted for my card.... guess what color? GREEN of course. Yay so my mom realised how depressed I have been as of late and let me get a membership. I will be joining the Blue Shark running club tomorrow, and taking yoga class as well. They have other activities such as a pool. Who knows maybe I will get the bug to train for a half marathon again ;) ooooo or maybe even the whole 26.2 hmmm yum

Scary News as always: My test is this Saturday. I am super scared but have to pass. All those who have a pulse need to let me check their blood pressure. As long as I speed up I will pass...... trying to think positive here.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 03:14:00 GMT

I AM SOOOO OFF THIS SHIT! WHAT A WAIST OF TIME. EVERYTHING IS BEING CHANGED SO I DONT HAVE TO RUN INTO THOSE I NO LONGER WANT TO SEE! IF YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 00:21:00 GMT

Spin heartbeat
Flailing arms
Side to Side
Jive Baby
Gyrating hip lock
Smiles like banana
Sweat dives down spine
Slap face Grasp shoulder
Tiger Baby
Eat me ALIVE-----

Im done for

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 03:09:37 GMT

Thousands of emotions in one second
You can have my life take it
Take this flesh and my mind
You can try, but you will
Never be me
You will never take my heart
Nor its painful forgiveness
These are true tears
You are a fake

May I move thousands of miles away and forget it all. No more pain! If there is anything holy on this earth stop my suffering. It is over. I dont want that life of trustless love and hatefilled kisses. Why cant I let go? Ive been beaten by fate for the last time!

Give me the strength to let go once and for all.

All I want is the capability to forget and truely love another. If this cant happen I throw down the towel on my search and will live a life of solitude.